A Crash Course For The Ravers (an R.U. Sirius Lyrical Conceptual Thingie… with a few links to actual songs)

For my 65th birthday, I decided to indulge myself by sharing some lyrics, some of which have achieved birth as songs and most of which have not.

A Crash Course For The Ravers

Lyrical cycle by R.U. Sirius with a few actual songs attached

Blue Mutant

Once they came from far and wild
From abstract arts to Brooklyn Heights
From P-Funk Village to Rave and Pillage
From Amsterdam by plane or tram

Once my nom de cyber splattered
Minds were blown legacies shattered
Anyone could cast a charm
Dance till dawn sport a 3rd Arm

But now I have to see your words
And know your thoughts are that absurd
Not for freedom not for pleasure
Nor resistance or even for treasure

And not get a dime for all of my time
Or even a review for this here rhyme
Just wasted proposals left undone
While pompous nerds made pinched pale fun

So yes I’m still disgusted and I’m somewhat amused
And I’m sour though I wasn’t terribly abused
Just a blue mutant with more strange gifts
Just a blue mutant left to stumble and drift

And if you want more than I delivered
Send me something to put in my quiver
Don’t let me down or bring me vacant promise
This happy mutant’s become the doubting Thomas

Once life began anew and a-fresh
Daft little white boy on a grail quest
Deciding he has a party to bring
The total fucking transmutation of everything
But now he’s just a blue mutant
Now he’s just a blue mutant
Now he’s just a blue mutant
Now he’s just a blue mutant

 

Punching A Nazi

Creosote Cowboy Video by Daddy Friday

Watch Punching A Nazi

Killing an arab
Punching a nazi
Albert Camus won’t
Bring back the Stasi
Kissing a baby
Pinching a lady
Oh Mr. Mansplain
You so crazy

Banning an Arab
Punching a nazi
Even Ayn Rand was
Never this bossy
Dating a Barbie
Making a killing
Those were the days
Oh wasn’t it thrilling

Killing an arab
Punching a Nazi

 

One Nation Under A Clown/Give Trump A Chance (with apologies to George Clinton, John & Yoko)

One nation under a clown
Getting down – unless your brown
Black or Jewish gay or foolish
The nazi clown tour is in your town

All we are sayin’ is give Trump a chance
So what if he thinks you’re inferior
He’ll put Denis Rodman in charge of the interior

All we are sayin’ is give Trump a chance
He groped Tila Tequila in her swastika undies
And still got the votes from the Christian fundies

All we are sayin’ is give Trump a chance
He’ll build a wall so high
Make that great wall in China wanna cry

All we are sayin’ is give Tump a chance
He won’t stop ‘til he’s got the crowd
Cheering him under a mushroom cloud

And after all this finally passes
You’ll still be debters up your asses
Under surveillance and perpetual war
Still be poisoned and still be poor

You fought the punters but not the owners

 

Saturday Night In the Desert of the Real

Saturday night in the desert of the real
Last black crack dealer tells Wolf Bilitzer how it feels
Chemicals spray synaptic blocking drug keeps you straight
Orwell would’ve loved this blissed out blessed 5 minute hate
Caricature takes caricature on kinky televised date
Late that night he takes his sickly 5 minutes of rape
Senator picks his son up after having his own fun
And gives the press the finger while passing out free guns

Saturday night’s active shooter situations
Its taking place at every New York City subway station
It’s best if you and all your wives and children stay at home Mick
And get your gourmet pizza from an Amazon drone you prick
Virtual reality is finally starting to work real fine
Infected by a virus guaranteed to fry your mind
We’re going now to cash our last ever unemployment checks as
politicians rearrange the chairs on their Titanic decks

Fair thee well Titanic
Sink or swim in data panic
(Saturday night in the desert of the real)

 

Take A Walk On The Whine Side

Come on young people now
Obey your mother
And all bow down
To the infallible other

A tomb within a womb
All my prison things are stuck inside
While the battlers cry of genocide
They’re stuck inside
My wildest pride has gone crafty
But in my tomb the thoughts get nasty

All hopes to be abandoned
But still there’s apricots and fandom
And joys squeezed out at random
Though I’m stuck inside
As nights arrive and disappear
There’s comfort mixed with mumbled fear

And while I sit suspended
The people who I friended
Singin’ hey ho Geronimo
Take a walk on the whine side
And while an era ended
And shriveled thoughts descended
They said they were offended
Took a walk on the whine side

Sandra came from Georgia
Took a class on gender
Went off on a bender
Banged with her professor
You can guess what came next
A brief respite of play and sext
Was withdrawn by the college dean
And then it was a legal scene

And while I sit suspended
The people who I friended
All singin’ hey ho Gerononimo
Take a walk on the mild side
And while an era ended
And shriveled thoughts descended
They said they were offended
Took a walk on the whine side

(Who’s your pariah for today? Today it’s Tina Fey! Who will it be tomorrow? This tweet will bring you sorrow)

 

He’s So Problematic

Beauty is convulsive
The state is restrictive
She’s a wee bit conflicted
And he’s so problematic

You can put him in your tryptich
Just another pig in lipstick
Hippies see a bad trip
And he’s so problematic

A not-so-free radical
His thoughts are merely comical
Or way to scatological
And he’s so problematic

You can’t be too effervescent
Though the few might resent it
Put a hole right in your sprocket
Find yourself and try to shock it

Join a cause then turn and mock it
Go to Russia on a rocket
He’s got toxic in the pocket
And he’s so problematic

He’s got toxic in the pocket
And he’s so problematic

 

The Chicks Who Say Namaste

Don’t you wanna get nastay
With the chicks who say Namaste
Don’t you wanna get frantic
While telling them you’re like so way tantric
Don’t you want a dakini
Lookin’ sweet in a string bikini
Don’t you wanna get nastay
With the chicks who say Namaste

They’re wall to wall in Hawaii or at the mall
Eating kale – and dressing chic for the fall
It sure beats bowling or waiting for Godot
It might be wisdom — who the fuck knows?

Don’t you wanna get nastay
With the chicks who say Namaste
Don’t you feel a bit romantic
While telling them you’re like so way tantric
Don’t you want a dakini
Lookin’ sweet in a string bikini
Don’t you wanna get nastay
With the chicks who say Namaste

All the ladies say “Namaste”
Namaste!
All the boys say “Posters of Che”
Posters of Che!
If you’re transitioning just say “Oy vey”
Oy Vey!
And in your heart of hearts say “Go the fuck away”
Go the fuck away
And in your heart of hearts
Say go the fuck away

I’m not a cliche
I’m not a cliche
I’m not a cliché

 

I Hope You Didn’t Dose The Pudding

by Phriendz

Watch the video for I Hope You Didn’t Dose The Pudding

I asked my baby for her tantric thing
she tossed away the side of her face
she’s an elevated totally evil wigged-out angel
she shaked clear and showed me her glass spine

i asked my baby for a 5 dollar bill
she says she’s very very smart
she’s a masculine italian gangster movie
she wears those black satin gloves so groovy
i asked my baby to look beneath the sheets

she feels the breath of god caress her
she loves old wiseman in Beatle boots
she likes the thrill of the overdosed jester

i asked my baby why we jumped outta the womb
she wants a lie that’s more fulfilling
I smile gee whiz we’re roller-coaster baby-friends
I hope you didn’t dose dose dose the pudding
I hope you didn’t dose dose dose the pudding
I hope you didn’t dose dose dose the pudding
I hope you didn’t dose dose dose the pudding

 

Be My Valerie Solanas

by Creosote Cowboy

Listen to Be My Valerie Solanas 

Offer her a lollipop
Offer her some gum
Offer her most anything
Don’t offer her my gun
Offer her de Beauvoir
Or offer her de Sade
Keep your shit together man
Fall to your knees and pray

If you’ll be my Valerie Solanas
I will be your Robespierre
Nothing can come between us
‘cept that thing underneath your hair
We have so much in common
Let’s get off on a tear
Bring it down Kill the clowns
We’re such a lovely pair

Offer her a role in porn
Offer her revolt
Offer her most anything
Offer her your scorn
Offer her some Tribe 8
Or offer her Genet
Keep your shit together man
Fall to your knees and pray

If you’ll be my Valerie Solanas
I will be your Robespierre
Nothing can come between us
‘cept that thing underneath your hair
We have so much in common
Let’s get off on a tear
Bring it down Kill the clowns
We’re such a lovely pair

 

I Should’ve Been A Guru

Recorded by SLT (2010)

Listen to I Should’ve Been A Guru

I should’ve been a guru
Young girls for the pickings
Followers wash my asshole
And grown men weep at my face
I think I could’ve made a go
Smile always and act like I know
The perfect secrets of the cosmic wow
But it’s too late to be a guru now

I should’ve been a guru
Talk shows with Larry King
White robes in a limousine
A long beard and a big ring
I know I could’ve been at peace
A happy face and perfect teeth
Free eats off the sacred cow
But it’s too late to be a guru now

I should’ve been a guru
Sitting still up on a hill
No stress no mess
No sins to confess
No action no friction
Never watched Pulp Fiction
Just laugh while the people bow
But it’s too late to be a guru now

I should’ve been a guru

 

Speed and Weed

recorded by R.U. Sirius & Phriendz

watch video of Speed and Weed

How I wish I could still do speed and weed
Paranoid listening to Let it Bleed
Long letters to J.G. Ballard and Chuck Manson
Kidnapped my shadow and held it for ransom

How I wish I could still do speed and weed
Wide awake watching the cops retreat
Twin Peaks repeats with a bunch of crazy chicks
Midnight the Castro for some real alt dot kicks

How I wish I could still do speed and weed
Be so sharp when I have to go on TV
Head back home kick it with some china white
Growing older man — it just ain’t right

 

Brag

I walk 47 miles of barbed wire
I drink ayahuasca just to watch the news
I drank Jagger & Richards under the table
And late at night I dress like Betty Grable

Who do you want me to be?
Who do you want me to be?
Who do you want me to be?
I’m not too blind to see

My voodoo remote gets all 12 channels
I stuck with leather when Seattle did flannel
My boy named Sue is scary to you
And if you cry I’ll be flingin’ poo

Who do you want me to be?
Who do you want me to be?
Who do you want me to be?
I’m not too blind to see

I eat the living dead for fun
I fucked Ted Nugent with his own gun
I midnight rambled with Joseph Campbell
His hero trip was a croc of shit

Who do you want me to be?
Who do you want me to be?
Who do you want me to be?
I’m not too blind to see

 

The Return of the Short White Dupe

The return of the short white dupe
The return of approximate truth
The refund from the failing state
The politics of war and hate

Once there were rainbows and storefronts and lipstick
Once there were ponies and length measuring dipsticks
Once there was David and Iggy and Lou
Once you could party all night with your crew
Once there was transit and cornflakes and bottles
Once there was Hegel and Nietzchean twaddle
Once there were comic book heroes to root for
Once there was you you you you
Once there was you you you you
Once there was you you you you

 

I Politician

recorded by Party Dogs (1982)

Listen to I Politician

I’ve got a little think tank
I call it home
I ain’t too highly paid though
Just flesh and bone
I’ll put a little thingie out
On video cassette
And hope the Minister of Propaganda
Don’t get too upset

Still it all comes though
The United Matrix of America
Pagan rhythms out of Africa
Pagan shipments out of Kathmandu
From the Aztecs to the Ming
Genetic carnival on wings

We’ve got a little freak show
We call it “The Hunchback Squeaks”
And then I politician
I get on up and I speaks
“I got a lotta rage” he cries
“And lots of irony”
You’re baboons in a cage” he lies
“I’m going to set you free”

Still it all comes though
The United Matrix of America
Pagan rhythms out of Africa
Pagan shipments out of Kathmandu
From the Aztecs to the Ming
Genetic carnival on wings

Gotta get back to L.A. now
Got a media jones
Talking with the network boys
and taking out more loans
I get 3 minutes on NBC
Attack the ruling class
I’ve got 4 friends at NASA now
If I have to move my ass

Still it all comes though
The United Matrix of America
Pagan rhythms out of Africa
Pagan shipments out of Kathmandu
From the Aztecs to the Ming
Genetic carnival on wings

 

I Wanna Be Your Radio

recorded by MONDO Vanilli (1992, partly written in 1980)

Listen to I Wanna Be Your Radio

I wanna steal your radio
Sacrifice your fingers to an electric fence
I torture you in future tense staccato
And come back home and rest in bed all day

I’ve got techniques for ecstasy
Keeping them under the hat stand
Let’s whip ’em out
And see if anything fits on your head

I wanna steal your radio
Capture you on a hard disc drive
Save you and make a million copies
Give one to each of my friends

I inverted the very color of being
But you — you weren’t there

I wanna be your radio
Sire wire fire and inspire you (cyber cyber)
Flick the switch that renders you insane
Come back home and rest in bed all day (cyber cyber)
I wanted to be Salvador Dali
I wanted to be dead and unreasonable
Let’s grieve in concentric circles
To make the night release your brain

I wanna be your radio
Now I wanna be your radio

 

Raised On Wine and Cheese

I was born in 1799
To a French whore named Babette
And all the things I did back then
Are easy to forget

I was reborn upstate somewhere
A minor English major
I was raised up on wine and cheese
Until I met a fakir

I hitchhiked my way out west
To find a cosmic trigger
It was strange but it was festive
Kenny Kenny Kenny was a rock ‘n roll trigger warning

Look around you – all around you
Is this your idea of fun?
Do you like the world around you
Are you ready to hold your tongue?

Outside of sorority
I’m feeling empathy
Overdosed on ecstasy
Please don’t arrest me

Outside of sorority
I was raised on wine and cheese

 

Hipster Shoot Hipster

You snarked all over twitter
Snuck into Urban outfitters
Your rattlesnake does slither
The absinthe in your cup is bitter

Hipsters
Hipsters who hate hipsters
Are the silliest hipsters
In the world

I’m droppin’ names like Baudelaire
Droppin’ names like Artaud
Express my scorn with John Zorn
I’ve read a bit of Flaubert
Yeah I’ve read a bit of Flaubert

Hipsters
Hipsters who hate hipsters
Are the silliest hipsters
In the world

My iPod list is set to impress
My bookshelf is myself
My choice in threads artisanal breads
And Kendrick Lamar for street cred
And Kendrick Lamar for street cred

Hipsters
Hipsters who hate hipsters
Are the hippie-iest hipsters
In the world

 

Avant God

I want an avant god
Loving perversity
Unlimited diversity

Optimized for my iPod
Totally portable
Sometimes snortable

Gendered or not
Maybe subject to rot
Why not?

The avant god is as real
As the knees on which they kneel
Try to keep it on an even keel
The kind of god you have to steal

The avant god is false
The kind of god you must report
The kind of god that misses court
The kind of god you know you want

I want an avant god
Loving perversity
Unlimited diversity

 

Two Truthers and a Birther Walked Into A Bar

Two truthers and a birther walked into a bar
The truthers had some ritalin — the birther had a car
They made a pact right then and there
To tell the folks who didn’t care
About the bad things being done
And get some guns and have some fun

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers split to berkeley & hung out in a tree
The birther went to Memphis — The Grand Opry
They planned to meet halfway between
And make the sheeple share their dream
By dropping acid in the tea
Then pirating every Tee Vee

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The birther trained the truthers in marksmanship and fight
The truthers showed the birther how to hack into a bank
But things went south when Truther One
Shared all their plans with Neil Young
Who wrote a song then turned them in
While slipping each a Mickey Finn

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers woke up sadly in a stuporous haze
They swore to all in court it had just been a phase
The birther returned to the south
Big hero by word of mouth
Did a day maybe two in jail
Ex-Governor Perry paid his bail

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

 

Laughing Transhumanist Politician

I just wanted to write songs
Fight pigs
And right wrongs
But I wound up paying bills
Taking pills
And chasing girls

I got technotopia by the balls
I give the finger when nature calls
I turned to Santa said pass ‘em out
He said look son there’s been a drought
But if I tour and promise heaven
Here on earth next 9/11
They’ll form in lines hither and yon
And they’ll be dead before I’m gone

I just wanted to drop out
Stay cool
Fuck around
But now I work in a store
Getting bored
And mopping floors

I got technotopia by the balls
I give the finger when nature calls
I turned to Zoltan said you’ll have to do
He said I’ll play this song with you
But if I write memetic bombs
Just until the singularity comes
They’ll form in lines hither and yon
And they’ll be dead before I’m gone.

 

(I Got A Tiny Bit Of) Satisfaction

I got a tiny bit of satisfaction
I renewed my small celebrity ration
I robbed a castle with a Red Army faction
Released a song that couldn’t get no traction

When I’m riding on my bike
And my ode to joy is just a little bit thin
Having fun with a friend who’s trite
To stop searching for the truth within

I got a tiny bit of satisfaction
I lack the patience of St. Sebastian
My fingers searching for another distraction
Released a song that couldn’t get no traction

When I’m watching my VR
Amanda Knox is choking Roseanne Barr
I know that I could try t’ come between it
I got so hot the last time that I seen it

I got a tiny bit of satisfaction
I glimpsed the godhead til I started crashin’
Spent my last pennies on some glam rock fashion
Released a song that couldn’t get no traction

When I’m tweetin’ ‘round the world
Eating Pretzels on a leather couch
I’m just a prole writing rhymes that are fluid
Oh lord please don’t let me be understoo–ed

I got a tiny bit of satisfaction
I renewed my small celebrity ration
I robbed a castle with a Red Army faction
Released a song that couldn’t get no traction

 

Reality TV Presents World War 3

There’s no place like home
There’s no place like Ancient Rome
There’s no one left but Al Capone
Final show at the superdome

There’s three nukes in North Korea
Hey Iran we’re glad to see ya
Putin comes and Putin goes
Ivanka wins the Tokyo Rose

There’s no place like home
There’s no place like Ancient Rome
There’s no one left but Al Capone
Final show at the superdome

There’s one show on Bravo
There’s another on R T
There’s half a billion casualties
It’s on Youtube for free

There’s no place like home
There’s no place like Ancient Rome
There’s no one left but Al Capone
The final show is at the superdome

There’s one president hallucinating
There’s two democrats still debating
Beyonce is lactating
While half a billion peeps are fading

There’s no place like home
There’s no place like Ancient Rome
There’s no one left but Al Capone
The final show is at the superdome

Watch World War 3 on Reality TV
Oh my lovely lemmings come unto me
This one time event you’ve gotta see
Oh my lovely lemmings come unto me

It will be televised will be televised will be televised
It will be televised will be televised will be televised
It will be televised will be televised will be televised
It will be televised will be televised will be televised
It will be televised will be televised will be televised
It will be televised will be televised will be televised
It will be televised will be televised will be televised
It will be televised will be televised will be televised

 

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